I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
