i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
