i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
