I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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