he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
