she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
