this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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