I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
