He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
