Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
