It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
