On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
