she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
