I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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