she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
