hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
