you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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