She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
