You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
