I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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