apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize
