I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
