Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
