My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
