so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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