just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
