So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
