I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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