thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just pee around me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
