playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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