Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
