he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I AM VODKA MAN
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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