I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
