I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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