She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
