And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
