I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
