I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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