my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
