Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
