you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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