We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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