Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize