My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
