The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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