I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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