THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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