I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
