i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
