Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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