If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so much tequila, so little girl.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
