Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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