My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
