apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
