im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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