just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
