as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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