just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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