I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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