he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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