This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
