he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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