I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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