He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
