Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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