God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize