flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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