craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
