You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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