why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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