and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
