End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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