Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
