I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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