Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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