How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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