Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
