I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
