Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
