Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
