Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
