I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
