can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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