Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
