Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
