Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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