I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
