I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
