i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
