Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
