i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
