I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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