i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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