So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
