the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Found your dick twin last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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