no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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