I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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