if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
