so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize