Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
