He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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