At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have aggressive nipples.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize