What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize