i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
