There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
