Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
