I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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