You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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